1. MacSween's makes an unquestionably superior haggis to Halls
    1. Good haggis requires no condiments.
  2. If your haggis commits seppuku, you can dispense with the whole Address to a Haggis nonsense
    1. In fact, it turns out nobody really cares if you don't recite any Burns at your Burns Supper.
      1. Although certain people will threaten to recite McGonagall instead.
    2. Or, in fact, that your Burns Supper doesn't actually fall on Burns Night.
    3. However, kilts are apparently mandatory.
  3. Haggis, neeps and tatties is really easy to make for large amounts of people.
    1. Especially if served buffet-style.
    2. Nutmeg goes well in tatties.
    3. Ginger goes well in neeps.
  4. All malt whisky is good whisky.
    1. Except if it has lemonade in it.
      1. I am married to a philistine.
  5. The tactic of inviting people round to decrease your whisky collection fails if you go out beforehand and purchase another two bottles of whisky.
    1. However, it does allow for repeated whisky tastings in future.
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