Need some help with silly gossip!

[spudtater]

I need lines of gossip that involve two people of unspecified sex. eg:

• %s obsesses over %s to a quite frankly dangerous degree.
• %s purchased %s at a slave auction, though you won't hear them admit it
• %s once surreptitiously groped %s in a busy club.
• %s and %s share the same taste in cheesy 70's disco.
• %s meets %s once a week in a dingy basement for violent BDS games.
• %s can't get over the fact that he/she once lost at air hockey to %s.
• %s is insanely jealous of %s's bust size.
• %s has a platonic relationship with %s. Purely platonic.
• %s was contracted by the government to monitor %s's activities
• %s has photos of %s all over his/her walls.
• %s consults %s for all his/her fashion advice.
• %s once had sex with %s on a crowded bus.
• %s's many phobias are the result of %s's childhood practical jokes.
• %s and %s's relationship will never work; they're both "subs".
• %s is actually the alter-ego of %s; do you ever see them in the same place at the same time?
• %s sometimes wonders what life would be like if they'd said "yes" to %s...
• %s prowls the streets at night dressed as Batman. %s is Robin.
• %s steals %s's underwear and wears it. It's just comfortable, apparently.
• %s's existence is due to a medical experiment by %s.
• %s and %s are twins, seperated at birth.
• %s has a secret camera installed in %s's room.
• %s met %s at the World Philately Convention in 1992
• %s used to beat up %s at school. But now they're the best of friends.
• %s likes it when %s dresses up as a Japanese schoolgirl. With cat ears.
• %s was the bassist for a glam-metal band in the 80's. %s was the drummer.
• %s and %s once got incredibly wasted and woke up in the street together. Naked.

Suggestions?

---

Oh, and a meme:

You Are 52% Femme and 48% Butch!

80 - 100% Femme - You're the girly girl of the century. Or Clay Aiken. 60 - 79% Femme - Girl? Almost certainly. If not, you've got some major man boobs going on. 40 - 59% Femme - Girl or guy? Even your best friends can't figure this one out. 20 - 39% Femme - You are likely male, or the toughest, scariest lesbian around. 0 - 19% Femme - You are 100% male. You make cowboys look like pussies.

How Butch or Femme Are You?