Bunch of bastarding bloody bankers

[spudtater]

So I make a purchase today, and it comes to £225; just over my daily withdrawal limit. I decide to try to get it through anyway on the new Chip-and-PIN system.

"Alright, before it goes through they want to validate it. This will involve a phone call; they might ask you a few questions and things."
"Okay, suppose I must then..."

I wait patiently while the bank puts cashier through a spanish inquisition, then hands the phone to me:

"Hello?"
"Hello sir. You are making a purchase of 225 pounds, correct?"
"Yes, that's right."
"We just have to confirm this as it's a large purchase. Could you please tell us the first and last letters of your password?"
"Ummm... password?"

I am caught unaware by this request. I have no recollection of ever giving a password to the bank. The Chip-and-PIN system was brought out while I already had an account, and so it was set up for me. However, I entertain the slight possibility that I have given the bank one of my passwords at some point.

"Okay... how about T and L?"
"T for Tango and O for Oscar?"
"No, T for Tango and L for Lima"
"Hold on a minute... No, that is incorrect."
"Errr... right then. W and R then?"
"Just a minute.... No, that's not right."
"Ummm... I guess I don't know then. Are there any other authentication options?"
"Can you not remember your password?"
"I don't know my password, no."
"In that case your bank will be forced to void the transaction and cancel your card."

Aaaargh! What?! You mean I'm going to be punished for the crime of not knowing a password that I never knew the very existence of?! I mean voiding the transaction is one thing, but this is ridiculous! I note to myself that since I'll be paying the Royal Bank a visit in person, I might as well take the opportunity close down my account and put the money in the nice Bank of Scotland up the road.

I have no idea who the man on the phone is; he appears to be one of those powerless middlemen that corporations use to stop their customers actually talking to somebody who can do anything about the problem. "Don't get angry at me, sir, I'm just doing my job." I'm guessing in this case that he's with the bank that the shop uses. But he has at least stayed on the line to give me a chance to digest this information and use it to magically remember my password.

"Okay, now look. I was never told of any password. I got my Chip-and-PIN card in the mail and it was all set up for me. I never talked to the bank about it, I never filled in any forms. I have no idea what it is. They might have set it to my mother's maiden name for all I bloody know."
"Why don't you try that then?"

Errr... because setting a password to your mother's maiden name is Bloody Fucking Stupid, that's what. Surely the bank wouldn't be fool enough to think that that wouldn't be the first thing a scammer would try?

"Well... errr... *sigh*. Okay, then. F and G."
"Wait a minute... Yes, that's correct."
"...!"

Now I know that I never gave them a password. Because I'm a computer scientist. We don't use our mothers' maiden names as passwords, we use the names of our pets. E.g. my adorable dog "Y7.o_t35+". (Pronounced "Spike".)

So, the Royal Bank has very conveniently set up an account for me, but not told me the password, because hell, it might get intercepted in the mail or heard by wire-tappers or something. And it's something so obvious that every Joe cardcaptor can find out and use, and no doubt this breach of security will be my fault, through the miracle of blame-transferal mechanisms. It's your password therefore it's your fault that it was guessed! America has always been at war with Eurasia! Etc!

I must change my password, then. I'm thinking of changing it to 'flu'; since I only need the first and last letters, there's no need to make it long. Plus the next time the whole rigmarole is necessary, this conversation will take place:

"We have to confirm this purchase. Could you please tell us the first and last letters of your password?
"Eff you."

Comments

[nickys.livejournal.com]

That is pretty impressively stupid of the bank.

[galaxy-girl00.livejournal.com]

awwww...

Nasty bank... what on earth were you buying???

[spudtater.livejournal.com]

*Sly look*
Wouldn't you like to know?   8^>

[galaxy-girl00.livejournal.com]

well yes hence the reason for asking! =0)

Why you being so sly????

Remember all that money covered in "snow"? Well they got in touch with my boss and i got lots of brownie points for helping them out!

That was really nice of them - they didn't have to! =0)

See you tonight mwa xxx

[spudtater.livejournal.com]

It's just a little something from Ikea...

> Remember all that money covered in "snow"? Well they got in touch with my boss and
> i got lots of brownie points for helping them out!

Hush money, you mean?

See you soon sweetie! x

[batswing.livejournal.com]

GAAAAHHHH!!!!


Banks of evilness!!!!!

grrrrr